REMAINING EMPATHIC

I have been working as a psychiatrist for over 20 years now. I love my work, find it intellectually stimulating, rarely boring and consider myself blessed to have met many interesting people. I have also been priviledged to work with so many committed people over all these years.
One question many people ask when I tell them what I do (which in itself can be a conversation stopper!) is how do I detach from it all, don't I take it all with me?
The honest answer is that you have to leave it all behind most of the time. There are so many stories of distress that you hear day by day, that it would overwhelm you, if you let it. But the balance of that is that its also important to remain empathic, to somehow continue to stand in other people's shoes and understand, at least in part, what they have gone through. And every now and then, some people's stories hit home, impact you and you find it harder just to leave them at the office door.

Last Friday was a good example: I was asked to meet with parents whose son had schizophrenia and who died in quite horrific circumstances, by self inflicted stab wounds at their home 2 years ago. I had never been involved in his clinical care, and had been previously asked to write a review of his care within our trust, and then had to attend the recent coroners inquest. His care was less than adequate and I confess it was really hard to meet these parents, acknowledge that much more could have been done than had been, and feeling a sense of collective responsibility despite not being personally involved. I came away impressed with the dignified way in which they had dealt with this terrible tragedy and how surprisingly free of anger and bitterness they were. They simply said that they had been crying out for help for their son, cries they thought had gone largely unheard. They now wanted to make sure there were changes and that no-one else would have to go through what they had gone through.

Their story was very sad, and as I left them to start the weekend, it wasn't entirely possible to leave it all behind. I realise that their lives will never be the same again and I felt that it was right to feel some of that pain with them. If I am to continue to do my job the best way I can, then I need to be compassionate , caring, and empathic and that above all , I need God's love and grace to help me do that.

From Bridgetown Back To Redhill

A few days after our walk around Bridgetown, on the Cape Flats, we were back out doing Street Pastors in Redhill. Over the months, we have become more familiar with our town at night. It isn't the worst place to be, by any stretch of the imagination, but everytime we go out, I am struck by how many empty hurting people there are , and how they are seeking fulfillment in things which will never satisfy. Not so different from Bridgetown really, and everywhere across the world, people need Jesus to answer the questions in their lives.
Three people we met last Friday night have stuck in my mind. The first, a girl of 16 (K), who when we first saw her was curled up in a ball on the pavement, with a policewoman talking to her. It transpired she had broken up with her boyfriend, who as still around, and in between sobbing on the pavement, she became aggressive towards him and out herself at risk from him too. She wasn't particularly keen to talk to us, or the police, but eventually she was persuaded to go home in a friend's car. Second was a young man in his early 20's (D) who we talked to for about 45 minutes in McDonalds. He was intoxicated but over time, told his story of parental separation when he was 4, being a 'football' in the ensuing custody battle between his parents, and how his mother was recently going her second divorce after discovering her husband was having an affair. She had become suicidal and D had needed to lock up medicines at home, and felt he couldn't leave home, partly because of the risks she presented and partly because of the financial support he could give to her by staying there.
Finally was R, who was waiting for a cab after being at the nightclub. He showed us his bandaged up arm , from where he had cut his wrists the night before, He had also taken an overdose after feeling overwhelmed by financial difficulties.

None of these stories are necessarily remarkable in themselves, but they are the 'bread and butter' of life as a Street Pastor on a Friday and Saturday night in our town, and I suspect other towns and cities across the country. What is always amazing to me is that there are so many people wanting to talk, share something of their lives, and perhaps don't have much other opportunity to do so.
I pray that we can continue to be the eyes, ears, voice , hands and feet of Jesus to those we meet.

Grace Tells Us Another Story

This Mercy Me song is the inspiration for this blog. We spent Monday morning last week on a walking tour of Bridgetown, on the Cape Flats, Cape Town , South Africa. We were taken round by Bradley Naidoo, a young man who spent more than half of his life in the gang and drug culture that is now endemic in this part of the world. But almost 5 years ago Bradley met Jesus, was miraculously set free from years of drug addiction and now is faithfully wanting to serve God and bring hope and restoration to his community.

The latest project that 'Impact Direct' (the christian ministry that Bradley is part of), wants to implement is to restore a derelict set of shops in a building in the heart of Bridgetown. This is currently a drug den and gang hang out. The local residents are very concerned by the rising crime there. It is hoped that the place can be transformed into a centre for healing and reconciliation. The aim is to turn 'negative spaces into positive spaces'. There is a lot of work to do; the buildings are totally wrecked currently, with no electricity, walls covered in gang graffitti, broken windows,and unsafe ceilings. But Bradley and his colleagues from Impact Direct are putting in many hours of time to begin the work of transformation.

On our walk around Bridgetown, we were introduced to many current gang members. Bradley is constantly engaging with them and seeking to show them there is an alternative way of life from the only one they currently know, of violence and drugs. But the reality of the risks of life on the Cape Flats was crudely demonstrated to us, when one young teenager me met, part of the 'Playboy' gang, was, three days later, shot four times in the chest by a rival gang member.
We pray that Impact continues to be able, with the love and power of Jesus, to show this community that life can be different.
In the words of this song :

'They say don't waste your time, You simply cannot find an ounce of good within the heart of man. They say we've got to lay in this bed we've made, and live this life without a second chance.
But I'm inclined to say there must be something more.
We've been told that the heart is just too far gone to save, but grace tells us another story, where glory sends hopelessness away.Oh GRACE TELLS US ANOTHER STORY!!'